It has become apparent that I have some sort of diminished multiple-personality disorder. I really think we all do. You know, like, you act way different in the morning than you do at lunch time. And by the time things start to wrap up at the end of the day you start acting like you're a much wiser person even though all you did was survive another day.
Anyway, I've realized that my 'Morning Guy' personality (by the way, I don't really think I have a mental disorder; it's just a hook to get you reading this far. Go ahead and hang up the phone, there's no need to call a psychologist or anything) is by far the most entertaining. I mean, he's the type of guy who if you let him pick where we're eating and which movie we're seeing he'd say something like "Man, I really just want a giant box of saltine crackers and some gummy bears. And instead of movies wouldn't it be great if we just tried to see how long we can hold our breath?" The guy's a moron.
Morning Guy typically checks in as soon as night guy brushes his teeth and decides he will be making no more important decisions for the day. This is usually around eleven o'clock. Morning guy sticks around until I've showered, brushed my teeth, and at least looked for something to eat. If one of those things doesn't happen Morning Guy kind of hangs out during the other shifts and tries to help Daytime Guy do complex reasoning but usually comes up with ideas that even Star Trek writers would consider ridiculous. The only time Morning Guy and Evening Guy ever meet is when Evening Guy is done and he holds the door open for Morning Guy (who lives across the street--in a moving van--from wherever the control panel to my thought process is). Morning Guy always says something friendly yet stupid to Evening Guy as he walks in; something like "How's it hangin'" or "What's the good word, brotha?" To this day Evening Guy has never acknowledged Morning Guy's presence. He considers Morning Guy scum and wonders if Morning Guy will ever get his hair cut and find a real job.
Morning Guy doesn't like haircuts.
When I woke up today Morning Guy was flipping random switches in my head and trying to sing all three harmony parts to ABBA's "Mamma Mia!" He kept going on about how we should make a YouTube channel about literature and how everyone in the world would love it and we'd make a ton of money (somehow). In fact, he left a note about it for Daytime Guy but, as always, Daytime Guy read it once and used it to wrap up his gum in before cleaning up the mess Morning Guy made.
Daytime Guy doesn't like Morning Guy very much either. But at least he's nice about it.
Dang. Evening Guy started this blog post but somewhere along the way Morning Guy has hijacked it and made it all about him.
Oh well. Maybe Daytime Guy will fix it tomorrow.
Or not mwa ha ha ha haaaaa.
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