The English Teachers' Bill of Rights

Let's be honest, people, English teachers are elite members of society. As such they should possess certain privileges:

Article I. We should be allowed to spell "privileges" however the heck we want.

Article II. Each English teacher is allowed to never read a specific author of his or her own choosing. (I'll go first: Jane Austen)

Article III. English teachers should get a discounted rate on their late fees at the local library. (My late fees over the past several years is greater than most developing countries' GDP)

Article IV. We should be allowed to wear top hats. (I like top hats.)

Article V. We should get free top hats with our diploma.

Article VI. People talking to us need not alter their vocabulary once they find out we're English teachers. Seriously, I don't care if you say "ain't". (Also, people tend to make more grammatical mistakes when they're trying not to than they do when they just speak naturally. Just sayin'.)

Article VII. There should be some sort of broadcasting system to other English teachers for those times we make a really funny pun or literary allusion that no one in our immediate company recognizes. (Seriously, folks, if you all read more Vonnegut you'd think I was the funniest guy in the world.)

Article VIII. We should have keys to the local library. (Really? You're closed EVERY Friday?)

Article IX. English teachers should be allowed to reach through the space-time continuum for the sole purpose of slapping whoever is responsible for the instructions that come with most imported electronic devices. (Engrish.com)

Article X. If someone inadvertently says something that is proper usage of an interesting literary trope we should be allowed to shout it out. (Example: "Do you see what I'm saying?" "CATACHRESIS!"


If you can think of any others feel free to leave them as Amendments in the comments below.